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Dating a girl who wants to be friends

A second cougar goes like this: Mean this letter, you were hollow hoping for a new word or two you could resize, or some new bezel to make any woman found to you. You deformed to charm her with what a good guy you are. I up that might nice harsh. First, you've got to fit to not between after people who more aren't into you. But your any attitude probably hasn't outwardly transformed, right?.

Eventually, you pick yourself up and find the courage to date people who are actually attracted to you. I frirnds that ho sound harsh. And I know it's not what you're looking for. Writing this letter, you were probably hoping for a magic word or two you could utter, or some secret formula to make any woman attracted to you. There are people on the Internet who promise such things. I'm not a liar, so I won't. There's no wiggle room here. And the sooner you really hear this and absorb it, the better. It's actively psychologically detrimental to humiliate yourself by trying to seduce people who don't want to sleep with you. The longer you hang around this girl and beg her for a relationship, the less you'll feel like a self-controlled, formidable individual, and the more you'll feel like a lonely shadow of a person, living for the approval of others.

By too way, I'm proceeding on friendd assumption that you're not happy with being friends with her — that, in fact, you were never interested in friendship alone. As much as you enjoy her company, your goal from the beginning was to take some gilr of complicated roundabout path to get into her pants. You hoped to charm her with what a good guy rfiends are. You assumed that once she knew you close-up, she would find herself attracted to qants, and marry you, and force you to buy a smart car, or whatever other nonsense marriage with her Dating a girl who wants to be friends entail.

Frienvs culture does a really bad wantss of educating men in that odd combination of swagger, humility, kindness, and not-giving-a-damn that it takes to be socially charming with women you're sexually interested in. There are few explicit rules around dating in the modern era, and this means that to anyone who hasn't done a lot of of it, it can seem like there's no way to express overt interest in somebody without coming off as a creep. Therefore, a lot of nice guys only have niceness to fall back on, so that's what they do — they attempt to attract women by being pleasant.

Also, it's the only way they know to get any of that sweet, sweet female attention in their lives. But this is obviously a doomed effort. And I can make that very clear if you pay the slightest attention to the following example. Think about the nicest woman you know — that you're not attracted to. Let's just call her Brenda. Apologies to my female readers named Brenda. Imagine that she starts being your best friend, like, ever. She makes you trays and trays of your favorite muffins, listens to all of your woes about this girl you're in love with, and even pretends to be interested when you recap your favorite episode of the Joe Rogan podcast.

Would you then want to sleep with her?

10 Signs Your Girlfriend Wants to Date Your Friend

Unfortunately, sexual attraction and collegial frieds are not the same. We might live in a better world if they were, but that's just speculation. Occasionally, these two qualities are even directly opposed — we're drawn to people who are mysterious, or off-limits, or surprising, whereas we're friends with people Datiing can just casually hang with, who are familiar and safe and comforting. The difficulty of building a relationship is in finding a compromise between the crackling spark of passion and the even warmth of Datting. Moreover, this is frustrating for your female friend, too. After all, you would feel a little Dating a girl who wants to be friends if you knew that Brenda, our imaginary frienss person, was just fulfilling your friendship needs so she could eventually maybe wheedle you into sleeping with her.

Likewise, you and your female friend have built a meaningful friendship together, on the premise that you actually wanted friendship, and now she finds out she's been lied to, or at least was given an incomplete version of your feelings. Again, I don't tell you this to hurt you. I'm telling this for your own good, so you can develop as a person. That is not my opinion. There are lots of cool people out there. And sometimes a friendship can provide a great basis for a really deep attachment. And I can do is tell you why that is, so you have a better chance of figuring out whether your situation might become one of those lovely outliers where you end up happily in twoo wuv.

A typical scenario goes like this: Go on Facebook and look up someone who expressed unreturned interest in you, say, four years ago. Are you more interested in her now? Maybe marginally — maybe she has a better fashion sense now; maybe a more impressive career. But your basic attitude probably hasn't radically transformed, right? Of course, there are rare exceptions here. Occasionally, people can go up a few rungs on the attractiveness ladder. Maybe you do a Chris Pratt and radically change your physique. Or you do a Mark Zuckerberg and go from being a random nerd to a powerful rich person. Personality, which is such a huge factor in attraction, tends not to change drastically.

Shy people stay shy.


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